I had a wonderful group of ladies out to the ranch and we ended up exploring the idea of connection in relationships and what it means to be truly connected. As the conversation started to deepen we became curious about how we are not showing up in the relationships we would like to feel a deeper connection within our lives. It is my observation that we do not spend a lot of time in our everyday lives truly getting to know the insides of others and especially not getting to know the insides of ourselves. The unfortunate part about that is a true connection doesn’t happen from our outsides and this leaves a lot to be desired when it comes to relationships.
An exercise we often do in equine facilitated wellness sessions is First Impression. The idea is to move from one member of the herd to the next and noticing what the horses’ first impression is of you mirrored back at you. I’ll tell you the secret to speed this along. We are not meant to make a first impression that isn’t authentic to how we feel or who we are in that exact moment.
How many times have you been meeting someone new and wanted to leave an impression of confidence, power or a beautiful smile that makes them feel relaxed in your presence? We put on a mask that we believe is hiding our discomfort, inner turmoil or true feelings but is it really working? The first time around that I asked the ladies to do the exercise the horses were fairly uninvolved in the process. They presented mildly interested, some more so than others, mostly disconnected and a few of the herd even downright avoidant, leaning as far away in their offices (catch pens) as possible.
It can be a very scary, definitely insightful and highly meaningful experience to just allow yourself to be approached, to be seen, to be known at the deepest level of who you are (often deeper than you can even know). Horses have the ability to see through the power stances, fake smiles, focused eye contact, measured and perfected stories, acceptable behavior and emotions. They are our truth detectors and help people find insight into how they have learned to cope within relationships, make first impressions and feel accepted by peers.
Horses are a beautiful gateway to our inner truth. They mirror back what we are unaware of for us to reflect on and they respond accordingly to our intentions. NO judgment involved, they just present it as it is. Plain as day. They hold space for us in non-judgment, full acceptance of offer us a picture of how we are showing them we are in that present moment, teaching us about our thoughts, feelings, blocks, beliefs, body stances, and manifestations. The exercise objective and deeper awareness of this learning is connection!
We debriefed round one and there were a lot of feelings of discomfort coming up. People were being triggered by their life stories of rejection, not being interesting, valuable or good enough and a few went on the defensive convinced that the horses were just distracted by their food 😉please LOL
We chatted about how horses read us, nervous system to nervous system and how because they are prey animals they are always sensing into the level of threat or presence that is being presented to them. You see if we are incongruent as we are not presenting exactly how we are feeling inside we will be incongruent to a horse. Becoming a threat. Yet if we allow ourselves to be fully who we are, how we feel, what our experiences have made us and stand in front of a horse for First Impressions this is a signal to them of present moment awareness. Safety!
I asked the ladies participating to get in their bodies by doing a body scan starting from their feet and moving up as we went along. Once completing the scan and sensing the dropping in of the women preparing to peel back the layers of protection and explore being themselves I prompted them to face a herd member and try again. There were reminders to give themselves permission to now show up authentically. We started by embodying this question. Who am I in all my vulnerability at this moment? and what do you see?
This part of the sessions is always one of my most favorite! Herd members were engaging, deeply breathing with their partnered human, some were simply being still together and others were laughing and discovering playfulness. At one point I remember one of the women reaching a hand out towards our mare Wicca. It was very tentative but I could sense the curiosity, the respect, the mutual state of being.
The Horse Wisdom left behind from Wicca… to be truly connected to oneself is to be connected to every living being.
