I was immersed in an equine-facilitated wellness training when we had a prompt that our homework for the night would be to explore something new or rediscovered to us but that was from a natural place. As in to just let it unfold, come to you and trust in the process. We were to report back the next day what we had come to us and what we did about it.
Admittedly I was thinking “cool, no problem”, I teach people how to step out of their comfort zones all the time…
After class, we went off in our own ways to explore what came to us. At first, the only things that came were big things like skydive, climb Kilimanjaro, write a book LOL and when I put more thought into things that were realistic as in, I only had that night and it was already past supper time I drew a blank. I recognized an internal barrier coming up. This happens often when you start to dip into things that are a little vulnerable.
For me, that vulnerability was about not knowing the answers. Having to do something that was outside of my comfort zone. I have become a wee bit of a know it all throughout my years as a form of protection. No shame in it all, I am very aware that it’s been better for my nervous system to know, have knowledge, expertise and know more than someone else as a form of power which means safety to me. I used to tell myself (you’re just a born leader LOL) which really translated to, know more than someone or everyone so they can’t make you feel stupid, less than or rejected….
Before I could get anywhere with my homework, I had to notice the thoughts, feelings, and patterns that were coming up, sit with them in compassion and recognize my why for resisting trying something new.
A lot of internal dialog going on by now I prompted myself again -Think outside the box here. What is something that you would like to do but never tried? Something that is bringing up some fear.
Why do you need to try new things on a regular basis?
Because it makes you happier, more confident, more knowledgeable and more resilient.
You cannot expect to heal, learn or grow as an individual by not changing any of the things that you do.
Mental Obstacles are the real deal. Expect the barriers to show up. Expect to find yourself distracting yourself with anything other than doing the NEW thing, expect to feel like NAH not important right now, expect to feel scared, resistant and avoidant, expect the defensiveness to arise (this may look like thoughts such as this is stupid, I am paying to advance my skills in equine facilitated practices, not this meaningless garbage… 😉 Expect to freeze and get stuck and not know where to go next.
I want you to take a deep breath, offer yourself some love and a good dose of honesty, call it for what it is and forget the reasons why you shouldn’t do this new thing. There are always reasons to not do something, but what could happen if you do, do it?!
Long story semi-short, I chose to write. Writing is something I have always wanted to do but held off from doing because… you guessed it I wasn’t knowledgeable enough yet. *Insert eye roll*
I decided right there and then to just start to write. It didn’t matter what came out and it didn’t matter in what form. It didn’t need to be a masterpiece and I didn’t need to share it with anyone. This first thing popped into my mind was an experience I had had that day with one of the equine guides during my training and I let the words flow…
Incase It wasn’t clear I am sharing this story to inspire and motivate you to explore trying something NEW. I guarantee it’s going to feel great after, you never know this new thing you tried one day may be something you end up loving so much you keep on doing it. This particular piece of writing came out as a poem (which I have never written another poem again hahaha) but here I am sharing my words and not needing to know it all with you years later 😉
The Portal
A space that sees you, knows your fears, your unwillingness, your unknowingness, and your possibilities.
A space that invites you in love, the song of a bird, the dance of the leaves, the fragrance of lavender floating on the wind.
A space where all becomes still…
You feel excitement & joy a calling through the souls of your feet guiding you to move forward.
You peer through a window seeing your light.
A child playing magic with her 4-legged best friend, you know the softness of holding another’s hand, the sweetness on your tongue as a bee shares its life’s work with you.
A moment, where there is only light, only true sight, only true self and as you move back from the window you wave a see you soon.
Your eyes blink, muscles stretch and loosen.
You see yourself reflecting in the beautiful liquid brown of a horse’s eye.
Holding your palm out she breathes life into your hand feeling, sensing, knowing
You whisper,
I allow & thank you
– Meagan Saum
